1
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:08,433
Oh, look who's here an hour and a half late.

2
00:00:08,514 --> 00:00:10,796
- I'm so sorry, Bobbie.
- What's gotten into you?

3
00:00:11,037 --> 00:00:12,198
You're late all the time.

4
00:00:12,438 --> 00:00:14,841
Last night you missed the benefit with the lingerie models.

5
00:00:15,842 --> 00:00:17,204
Well, did they raise a lot of money?

6
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,726
Will those girls get the help they need?

7
00:00:20,048 --> 00:00:22,170
You are very erratic lately.

8
00:00:22,811 --> 00:00:26,455
Are you doing some new designer drug that you might have on your person?

9
00:00:28,498 --> 00:00:29,659
No, No. It's just I've...

10
00:00:29,819 --> 00:00:32,623
I've been working so much that I'm having a hard time keeping track of things.

11
00:00:32,823 --> 00:00:34,906
Well, you need to find a personal assistant.

12
00:00:35,386 --> 00:00:37,349
- You think that would help?
- Oh, sure.

13
00:00:37,669 --> 00:00:40,673
They'll run errands for you. They organize your personal life.

14
00:00:41,073 --> 00:00:43,036
Plus, they do tricks!

15
00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:44,958
Watch this.

16
00:00:45,358 --> 00:00:51,045
Jason, could you be a doll and come in here with a cup balanced on your head?

17
00:00:55,891 --> 00:00:58,174
Jason, say hi to Joey Tribbiani.

18
00:00:58,334 --> 00:01:00,737
Hello. I have a master's degree.

19
00:01:02,099 --> 00:01:04,702
Thanks, dear. That's all for now. Back in the box.

20
00:01:06,304 --> 00:01:08,987
All right, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna get an assistant. Any advice?

21
00:01:09,187 --> 00:01:11,510
Well, you need to find someone who's a good fit for you.

22
00:01:11,831 --> 00:01:14,394
I mean, personally, I'm always pro-gay.

23
00:01:14,594 --> 00:01:17,638
They smell good, and they've got those quick little fingers.

24
00:01:18,919 --> 00:01:21,963
Bobbie, I wanted to remind you, we have a 4:00 departmental meeting.

25
00:01:22,243 --> 00:01:23,365
Thank you, Jason.

26
00:01:23,565 --> 00:01:25,167
Now do the robot for Joey.

27
00:01:33,737 --> 00:01:35,580
That is just what I need.

28
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:43,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

29
00:02:10,462 --> 00:02:10,903
Hey.

30
00:02:11,183 --> 00:02:12,745
Hi. What you got there?

31
00:02:12,865 --> 00:02:13,986
Oh. Resumes.

32
00:02:14,227 --> 00:02:16,750
Yeah, I need a personal assistant now that I'm a busy brity.

33
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,633
A guy recognized me on the street yesterday.

34
00:02:19,753 --> 00:02:21,636
A homeless guy asked if you were Jesus.

35
00:02:23,718 --> 00:02:25,240
He knew who I was.

36
00:02:29,365 --> 00:02:30,086
Hey.

37
00:02:30,406 --> 00:02:31,888
Hey. What's wrong?

38
00:02:32,289 --> 00:02:35,092
I just got into a big fight with my so-called friend Seth.

39
00:02:35,252 --> 00:02:37,295
Wait a minute. Nerds fight each other?

40
00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:39,017
Don't you get enough grief from normal people?

41
00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:43,943
No, wwe invented a new material for the heat shields in rockets.

42
00:02:44,143 --> 00:02:45,825
Now  seth is filing a patent,

43
00:02:46,025 --> 00:02:48,188
and he wants to try and take all the credit himself.

44
00:02:48,308 --> 00:02:49,309
Why would he do that?

45
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,913
It's a scientific breakthrough. There's a lot at stake here.

46
00:02:52,153 --> 00:02:54,516
Money, fame, a very specific kind of woman.

47
00:02:55,797 --> 00:02:58,641
You know, I can help you sort that out. I am a lawyer.

48
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,685
Ooh, sue him! I haven't been in a lawsuit since that dog-biting thing.

49
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,487
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. A dog bit you?

50
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:05,009
No, no. She bit the dog.

51
00:03:06,450 --> 00:03:09,134
Hey! choose who humps me, not the other way around.

52
00:03:09,654 --> 00:03:11,497
Actually, I'm not talking about a lawsuit here.

53
00:03:11,577 --> 00:03:13,018
I'm just talking about a mediation.

54
00:03:13,098 --> 00:03:15,622
I'll set up a meeting with Seth, and all you have to do is show up.

55
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,744
I don't know if that's goingto solve anything,

56
00:03:17,824 --> 00:03:20,668
but it's worth a shot. Okay. Thanks.

57
00:03:20,828 --> 00:03:21,709
Alright.

58
00:03:21,949 --> 00:03:24,913
Who wants to go through this pile of resumes with me and help me find an assistant?

59
00:03:25,954 --> 00:03:28,998
Oh, what are you wasting your time with these idiots for? Hire me.

60
00:03:30,119 --> 00:03:32,442
Okay, if you really want to do it.

61
00:03:32,722 --> 00:03:33,924
I don't like the way you just said that.

62
00:03:34,044 --> 00:03:34,965
I quit.

63
00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:37,969
I knew I couldn't keep you here forever. Good luck to you.

64
00:03:42,574 --> 00:03:44,337
Travis, your resume's impressive.

65
00:03:44,537 --> 00:03:45,979
Let me throw a scenario at you.

66
00:03:46,139 --> 00:03:47,661
I send you to the video store.

67
00:03:47,941 --> 00:03:49,743
Which Die Hard movie do you bring back?

68
00:03:49,823 --> 00:03:50,905
The first one?

69
00:03:50,945 --> 00:03:53,628
I'm sorry, the correct answer was all three. Thanks for stopping by.

70
00:03:58,073 --> 00:03:59,675
Let me be your assistant.

71
00:04:02,038 --> 00:04:03,079
Don't you already have a job?

72
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:06,043
I'm Senior Vice President of the 3rd largest bank in California.

73
00:04:07,325 --> 00:04:09,047
But it's a dead-end job.

74
00:04:13,692 --> 00:04:16,175
Hi. I'm here for the assistant position. I'm Glen.

75
00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:17,056
- Oh, Joey.
- Hi.

76
00:04:17,177 --> 00:04:18,498
Glen, nice name.

77
00:04:20,541 --> 00:04:21,422
What's yours?

78
00:04:21,502 --> 00:04:23,144
Howard J. Peckerman.

79
00:04:26,628 --> 00:04:28,070
Come on in, Glen.

80
00:04:29,912 --> 00:04:31,754
All right, won't you mind telling me alittle about yourself?

81
00:04:31,915 --> 00:04:34,117
Oh, well, I moved out here five years ago

82
00:04:34,197 --> 00:04:35,799
Started doing this and loved it.

83
00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:36,841
Where are you from?

84
00:04:36,921 --> 00:04:37,682
Minnesota.

85
00:04:37,762 --> 00:04:39,163
Your English is great.

86
00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:43,609
What kind of car do you drive?

87
00:04:43,689 --> 00:04:44,650
Oh, a pickup truck.

88
00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:47,373
If I hire you, may I ride around in the back like a dog?

89
00:04:48,975 --> 00:04:51,058
- Sure you're the boss.
- Excellent.

90
00:04:51,298 --> 00:04:52,460
Okay, next question.

91
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,021
It's 2:00 in the morning.

92
00:04:54,182 --> 00:04:55,023
I'm hungry.

93
00:04:55,143 --> 00:04:56,785
What do you get me and why?

94
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,789
Hmm. I'm gonna have to go with pizza.

95
00:05:00,269 --> 00:05:02,592
Because you can eat it directly off your stomach

96
00:05:02,792 --> 00:05:04,674
without utensils while still lying in bed.

97
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:12,925
I got to be honest with you, Glen.

98
00:05:13,005 --> 00:05:14,446
You're blowing me away here.

99
00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:18,171
All right, let's get down to the serious stuff.

100
00:05:18,331 --> 00:05:20,854
Who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman?

101
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,656
Definitely the Wolfman.

102
00:05:22,857 --> 00:05:24,699
What? No way. How?

103
00:05:24,939 --> 00:05:27,903
Because  he'd fight Dracula to a draw until dawn,

104
00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,745
and then... and then Dracula would turn to dust,

105
00:05:29,785 --> 00:05:31,988
and the Wolfman would just turn into a normal dude.

106
00:05:33,029 --> 00:05:35,232
I never thought of it like that. That changes everything.

107
00:05:37,635 --> 00:05:38,916
Joey, where were you?

108
00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,320
You were supposed to help me clean out my garage a half an hour ago!

109
00:05:42,601 --> 00:05:45,204
Oh,  uh, look, Gina, I'm sorry. I, uh, uh...

110
00:05:45,364 --> 00:05:49,329
Hi, I'm Glen, and, uh, this is all my fault.

111
00:05:49,409 --> 00:05:51,812
I was late for my interview, and Joey was just telling me

112
00:05:51,932 --> 00:05:54,055
that he was supposed to be helping you. I'm really, really sorry.

113
00:05:54,215 --> 00:05:56,818
Yeah, thanks a lot, Glen. You made me miss cleaning out her garage.

114
00:05:58,981 --> 00:06:00,462
Well, why didn't you just call?

115
00:06:00,783 --> 00:06:03,466
- Uh... I, uh...
- He couldn't... call,

116
00:06:03,506 --> 00:06:05,108
'cause he was stuck on the phone with me.

117
00:06:05,268 --> 00:06:07,471
He had to give me directions. I got... I got lost.

118
00:06:08,032 --> 00:06:09,153
I'm such an idiot.

119
00:06:09,193 --> 00:06:10,995
Mm, yeah. Stupid, stupid Glen.

120
00:06:12,517 --> 00:06:14,520
Well, this neighborhood can be confusing.

121
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,802
I'm sorry I snapped at you, Joey. I'm gonna go make dinner.

122
00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:20,687
You want the job?

123
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,489
- When do I start?
- I think you already did!

124
00:06:27,816 --> 00:06:29,618
- Hey, hey! Morning, boss.
- Hey!

125
00:06:30,018 --> 00:06:31,941
That was a late shoot last night, but you were great.

126
00:06:32,221 --> 00:06:34,144
Well, thanks. Yeah, it was nice having you there.

127
00:06:34,264 --> 00:06:36,787
And thanks for running lines with me and getting me water

128
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,349
and dealing with that crazy fan.

129
00:06:38,589 --> 00:06:39,630
Did she find your dressing room okay?

130
00:06:39,710 --> 00:06:40,832
Yes, she did.

131
00:06:42,153 --> 00:06:44,997
Okay, so, listen, I have these contracts for you to sign.

132
00:06:45,397 --> 00:06:47,400
And here is your schedule for today.

133
00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,923
Oh, and, uh, some girl Amelia called.

134
00:06:50,523 --> 00:06:51,805
Do want me to break up with her,

135
00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:54,208
but still leave an opening so you guys can sleep together?

136
00:06:56,210 --> 00:06:58,413
You just got yourself employee of the month.

137
00:07:00,375 --> 00:07:01,217
Hey.

138
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,538
- Hey.
- Hey.

139
00:07:03,259 --> 00:07:06,022
Oh. I'm just dropping off Michael's pants. He asked me to hem 'em for him.

140
00:07:06,102 --> 00:07:08,025
Oh, that's a... That's a good-looking hem.

141
00:07:08,105 --> 00:07:09,346
Thanks for noticing.

142
00:07:09,547 --> 00:07:11,870
I swear, if I didn't take care of this stuff, he'd walk out of this place naked.

143
00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:14,152
This one got marker all over the wall yesterday.

144
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:20,560
Hey, your sister's beautiful.

145
00:07:21,722 --> 00:07:22,442
Is she single?

146
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,084
Oh!

147
00:07:25,086 --> 00:07:28,850
My trusty valet is interested in the lady of the manor.

148
00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:32,735
- You think I have a chance?
- Uh, yeah.

149
00:07:34,697 --> 00:07:39,423
Hey, Gina, listen, uh, I think you're a really interesting woman, and I...

150
00:07:39,463 --> 00:07:41,105
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

151
00:07:41,145 --> 00:07:43,148
You're working way too hard there, Glen.

152
00:07:43,788 --> 00:07:45,190
You want to go out with this guy?

153
00:07:45,270 --> 00:07:46,952
I don't know. I don't know that much about him.

154
00:07:47,032 --> 00:07:48,514
Let me ask you a few questions.

155
00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:49,636
What kind of car do you drive?

156
00:07:49,676 --> 00:07:50,356
A pickup truck.

157
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:52,799
Oh, can we drive around and have Joey in the back like a dog?

158
00:07:54,121 --> 00:07:55,643
I've already agreed to that.

159
00:07:56,764 --> 00:07:58,446
Okay. Will you take me to a nice restaurant?

160
00:07:58,606 --> 00:07:59,968
What constitutes a nice restaurant?

161
00:08:00,128 --> 00:08:02,331
Ketchup in a bottle. All the crackers I want.

162
00:08:03,452 --> 00:08:04,574
Do you need a salad bar?

163
00:08:04,654 --> 00:08:06,136
I am not the queen of England.

164
00:08:07,577 --> 00:08:08,659
I know a place.

165
00:08:08,819 --> 00:08:10,661
All right. Pick me up at 7:00.

166
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:16,588
- So, you and Gina, huh?
- Yeah.

167
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,551
Well, let me tell you something. That is my sister.

168
00:08:19,552 --> 00:08:20,113
Okay?

169
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,434
If you do anything to upset her,

170
00:08:21,514 --> 00:08:23,597
you're gonna get the beating of a lifetime.

171
00:08:24,118 --> 00:08:25,760
And then she's gonna come after me.

172
00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:33,689
Hello again, Mr. Tobin.

173
00:08:33,809 --> 00:08:34,851
Thanks very much for coming.

174
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,012
Yeah. Can we make this quick?

175
00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:39,136
Every minute I am not conducting research is a crushing blow to science.

176
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,381
Now, I really don't understand why you had to bring a lawyer into this.

177
00:08:43,461 --> 00:08:47,506
Actually, I'm here as an impartial mediator, not as either party's attorney.

178
00:08:47,586 --> 00:08:49,388
But you are an attorney, so I was correct.

179
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,351
Michael did bring a lawyer into this, Q.E.D.

180
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,473
- Which law school, by the way?
- Pepperdine.

181
00:08:53,674 --> 00:08:56,397
Oh, in that case I should explain: "Q.E.D." is a term...

182
00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:59,200
All right, let's just start the mediation.

183
00:08:59,761 --> 00:09:03,125
First of all, I would like you each to state your claim to the material in question.

184
00:09:03,205 --> 00:09:05,848
Well, why don't I go first, and then Michael can just steal what I say?

185
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,172
That's, uh, that's tough talk coming from the guy

186
00:09:09,293 --> 00:09:11,175
who thought that impregnating a ceramic with aerosolized metal

187
00:09:11,215 --> 00:09:13,177
would increase porousness without losing strength.

188
00:09:13,738 --> 00:09:15,660
Let's not get personal here.

189
00:09:16,862 --> 00:09:18,143
You know what? He's right.

190
00:09:18,384 --> 00:09:22,148
The point of mediation is to resolve the dispute in a calm and peaceful way.

191
00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:24,792
Which we'd have a chance of doing if we had a real lawyer here.

192
00:09:24,872 --> 00:09:26,794
I am a real lawyer, Mr. Tobin.

193
00:09:26,954 --> 00:09:29,557
Oh, is Ally McBeal getting a little flustered?

194
00:09:30,438 --> 00:09:32,080
You know what? Forget the mediation.

195
00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:32,681
Fine.

196
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,685
I suggest you get a lawyer because you're gonna need one.

197
00:09:36,005 --> 00:09:39,129
God, that guy has got to be a virgin.

198
00:09:39,289 --> 00:09:40,451
-  Careful.
- Sorry.

199
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:48,540
- Hey.
- Glen.

200
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:49,622
Where have you been?

201
00:09:49,702 --> 00:09:52,665
I know. I'm sorry. Gina kept me out late again last night,

202
00:09:52,746 --> 00:09:55,629
but listen, I am here now. I'm all yours.

203
00:09:56,871 --> 00:09:59,474
Okay, all right. Did you get my schedule and my phone list?

204
00:10:00,275 --> 00:10:03,198
Oh,  no. No, no. I left them over at Gina's.

205
00:10:03,278 --> 00:10:05,481
Glen, hero to zero.

206
00:10:08,485 --> 00:10:11,048
Hey, you left these papers. I thought you might need them.

207
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,211
- Hi.
- Oh, good. My schedule. Great.

208
00:10:15,453 --> 00:10:18,897
No, no, no, Glen. This doesn't make any sense.

209
00:10:18,978 --> 00:10:20,620
You got me bathing every day?!

210
00:10:22,181 --> 00:10:24,224
What are you trying to do, dissolve me?

211
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,067
You know, I'll revise it.

212
00:10:27,308 --> 00:10:29,671
Hey, will you get me a glass of water?

213
00:10:29,991 --> 00:10:31,673
It's all the way in the kitchen. Won't you miss me?

214
00:10:31,753 --> 00:10:33,716
I will, but I'll be liking the view.

215
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,281
Oh, Joey, do you want something to drink?

216
00:10:38,361 --> 00:10:40,003
Yes, a banana milkshake, please.

217
00:10:42,967 --> 00:10:45,370
I got to say, I am not loving your effect on Glen.

218
00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:47,813
I can't help it. I'm intoxicating.

219
00:10:48,173 --> 00:10:50,416
Many men have been unable to do their jobs after dating me.

220
00:10:50,496 --> 00:10:53,139
Oh, how sad for the people  who wanted to buy drugs from them.

221
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,985
I can't believe this. He was the perfect assistant!

222
00:10:58,145 --> 00:11:00,348
A few dates with you, and he's broken!

223
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,471
This isn't gonna work.

224
00:11:02,911 --> 00:11:05,394
What, just 'cause he's a little distracted, I can't go out with?

225
00:11:05,474 --> 00:11:07,877
Yeah. He really helps me, okay?

226
00:11:07,997 --> 00:11:10,240
He does my errands, he helps me memorize the script.

227
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,643
Do you know how much easier it is to act when you know your lines?

228
00:11:13,724 --> 00:11:16,287
Look, I need Glen to be totally focused on my needs.

229
00:11:17,529 --> 00:11:20,372
Hey, I had to make it with skim milk. I hope you don't mind.

230
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:30,104
Hey, Michael,

231
00:11:30,264 --> 00:11:32,347
listen, uh, we need to have some kind of proof

232
00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:34,710
that you and Seth came up with this idea together,

233
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:37,113
so I need you to remember everyhting About that day.

234
00:11:37,233 --> 00:11:38,394
No detail is too small.

235
00:11:38,515 --> 00:11:39,836
Okay, all right.

236
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:41,919
We were sitting at the kitchen table

237
00:11:42,279 --> 00:11:44,201
talking about polymers.

238
00:11:44,962 --> 00:11:48,006
Seth insisted on keeping all the notes on his precious laptop.

239
00:11:48,367 --> 00:11:49,448
It's hard to remember the details,

240
00:11:49,528 --> 00:11:51,811
'cause Joey kept throwing stuff at us and calling us nerds.

241
00:11:52,692 --> 00:11:54,774
Yeah, I threw some pretty hard stuff at you guys.

242
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,618
Wait, Joey was here?

243
00:11:58,178 --> 00:11:59,820
- We have an eyewitness.
- You're right.

244
00:11:59,941 --> 00:12:02,384
Joey, do you remember anything Seth and I said?

245
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:05,628
Oh, I remember everything. Actors are trained to observe.

246
00:12:06,028 --> 00:12:07,750
That's great.

247
00:12:07,870 --> 00:12:09,312
Okay, take us through everything you saw.

248
00:12:09,632 --> 00:12:13,237
Okay. Um, I was sitting right here watching a rerun of The A-Team

249
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:15,199
while you guys were over there talking.

250
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,801
And then Michael said,

251
00:12:17,682 --> 00:12:19,765
"Blah, blah, blah, science stuff."

252
00:12:20,566 --> 00:12:23,209
Andd then Mr. T said, "I ain't getting on no plane!"

253
00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:26,213
And then, Michael said, "Blah, blah, blah."

254
00:12:26,253 --> 00:12:27,895
And then Seth said, "I pity the fool."

255
00:12:27,975 --> 00:12:30,658
Oh, wait... that might've been Mr. T.

256
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,942
All right! So the factthat you were here is useless.

257
00:12:34,062 --> 00:12:37,026
No, not exactly. Uh, Seth will remember that Joey was here, right?

258
00:12:37,106 --> 00:12:38,468
Oh, I think so.

259
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,230
I beaned him, like, right here with a battery.

260
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,834
Okay, but Seth doesn't know that you don't remember anything,

261
00:12:43,954 --> 00:12:45,436
so we'll bluff and say that you do.

262
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,959
All you have to do is stand there and look thoughtful.

263
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,083
Oh, okay, I just need to think of something to give me that serious face.

264
00:12:51,363 --> 00:12:52,925
What's  seven times nine?

265
00:12:55,969 --> 00:12:56,890
Perfect.

266
00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,261
Joey Tribbiani's phone.

267
00:13:07,263 --> 00:13:08,905
And what may I say this is regarding?

268
00:13:12,189 --> 00:13:13,310
I can't remember.

269
00:13:15,913 --> 00:13:16,834
Hello?

270
00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:20,599
No, I don't know what time I'm supposed to be there.

271
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,042
Well, my regular assistant isn't here,

272
00:13:23,122 --> 00:13:24,844
and the temp I've got isn't working out.

273
00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:30,131
Let me call my assistant, and I'll call you back, okay?

274
00:13:34,175 --> 00:13:36,458
I can't believe it.
He turned his cell phone off.

275
00:13:36,658 --> 00:13:37,860
I'll kill him for you.

276
00:13:40,143 --> 00:13:41,384
He's over at Gina's.

277
00:13:41,464 --> 00:13:44,428
I bet she had him turn it off. This is ridiculous. I'm going over there.

278
00:13:44,828 --> 00:13:46,551
Bet they'll be surprised to see us.

279
00:13:46,591 --> 00:13:47,352
I'm dropping you off at the bank.

280
00:13:47,432 --> 00:13:48,753
I hate it there!

281
00:13:53,519 --> 00:13:54,320
Glen.

282
00:13:55,562 --> 00:13:58,285
Publicity called to set up an interview. I need my schedule.

283
00:13:58,365 --> 00:14:00,247
- Oh, I'll go get it.
- No, you are on a date.

284
00:14:00,488 --> 00:14:02,130
- Well, I need it.
- He is not your slave.

285
00:14:02,210 --> 00:14:03,932
Glen, tell her she's wrong.

286
00:14:06,094 --> 00:14:07,656
Joey, why didn't you call me about this earlier?

287
00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:09,298
Well, I tried to, but your cell phone's off.

288
00:14:09,418 --> 00:14:12,622
What? I didn't turn it off. I don't see how that could've...

289
00:14:15,346 --> 00:14:17,588
Gina, you can't take an assistant's cell phone.

290
00:14:17,709 --> 00:14:20,432
It's like taking a scalpel away from a surgeon.

291
00:14:21,473 --> 00:14:23,355
Except surgeons don't have to help my brother build forts.

292
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,082
Okay, you know what?

293
00:14:29,403 --> 00:14:32,326
I think I'm in the middle of some weird family stuff.

294
00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:33,808
I'm just going to go get the schedule.

295
00:14:33,968 --> 00:14:34,369
Good.

296
00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:39,735
Thanks a lot, Joey.

297
00:14:40,176 --> 00:14:42,779
Now I'm going to have to watch Sister Act by myself.

298
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:46,904
You are unbelievable. I told you how much Glen means to me.

299
00:14:47,024 --> 00:14:49,227
- Well, I like him, too.
- You don't like him.

300
00:14:49,387 --> 00:14:51,269
You just want to be with him because I told you not to.

301
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,751
You'll be tired of him in a week.

302
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:54,113
Maybe I won't be tired of him.

303
00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:54,954
What does that mean?

304
00:14:55,915 --> 00:14:59,159
It means that I might maybe kind of really like him.

305
00:15:00,481 --> 00:15:01,202
Yeah?

306
00:15:01,922 --> 00:15:03,244
Glen is different.

307
00:15:03,524 --> 00:15:06,648
You know, when we went to the video store, he held the door open for me.

308
00:15:06,808 --> 00:15:08,170
- For you?
- I know.

309
00:15:09,932 --> 00:15:12,295
You know, and between you and me, I don't think he was that into Sister Act,

310
00:15:12,415 --> 00:15:13,657
but he let me choose.

311
00:15:13,817 --> 00:15:16,060
And he didn't even glance at the porn section,

312
00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,022
which I happen to find very respectful.

313
00:15:19,984 --> 00:15:23,829
I don't know... He's a good guy.

314
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,191
I'm not used to that.

315
00:15:25,952 --> 00:15:27,313
Feels kind of nice.

316
00:15:29,836 --> 00:15:31,238
Okay, you know what?

317
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,561
You can have him.

318
00:15:33,681 --> 00:15:35,403
Oh, but you need him, too.

319
00:15:36,124 --> 00:15:38,006
No, no. It's about time you had a healthy relationship.

320
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,369
Oh, like you're one to talk.

321
00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:41,250
I am.

322
00:15:41,491 --> 00:15:42,772
Yeah? How's your wife, by the way?

323
00:15:42,932 --> 00:15:45,295
Ah, sadly, my wife has not been born yet.

324
00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:52,704
All we're asking Seth to do is sign this affidavit

325
00:15:52,824 --> 00:15:54,867
that says they both worked on the project.

326
00:15:55,027 --> 00:15:56,509
And why would we sign this?

327
00:15:56,629 --> 00:15:59,713
Because someone was present when Michael and Seth together

328
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,595
invented the material in question.

329
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:05,520
A secret eyewitness: Joey Tribbiani.

330
00:16:10,126 --> 00:16:12,088
Joey Tribbiani.

331
00:16:15,252 --> 00:16:17,094
I'm sorry. What'd we say my cue was?

332
00:16:18,255 --> 00:16:19,857
Just come out now.

333
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:26,546
So I suggest you sign the affidavit right now.

334
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:29,189
Before we sign, we'd like to hear what your witness has to say.

335
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:30,590
And why is that necessary?

336
00:16:30,671 --> 00:16:32,273
Because he might be bluffing.

337
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,315
Oh, really...

338
00:16:36,598 --> 00:16:37,919
B luffing...

339
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:39,241
I don't think so.

340
00:16:39,521 --> 00:16:40,242
Please.

341
00:16:40,643 --> 00:16:43,606
Okay, Joey, why don't you prove to these people

342
00:16:43,686 --> 00:16:46,850
beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are not bluffing.

343
00:16:46,970 --> 00:16:48,332
Michael, let's hold hands.

344
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,979
Ah, yes, I remember the day very well.

345
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,782
Especially the science stuff.

346
00:16:57,463 --> 00:16:59,826
A lot of numbers were used.

347
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:03,270
Six, 12, 14-- all the usual suspects.

348
00:17:04,512 --> 00:17:07,195
I knew it. He doesn't remember anything. He probably went to Pepperdine.

349
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,837
Whoa, hold on, there, buddy.

350
00:17:09,077 --> 00:17:12,522
I may not be the smartest guy you'll ever meet, but I didn't go to Pepperdine.

351
00:17:13,963 --> 00:17:15,485
I think we've heard enough.

352
00:17:16,446 --> 00:17:17,768
Well, this is just great.

353
00:17:20,772 --> 00:17:22,694
Hey, hey, wait a second, you guys. I just thought of something.

354
00:17:22,814 --> 00:17:25,257
Oh, what is it, the theme song to The A-Team?

355
00:17:25,257 --> 00:17:26,459
No. Watch this.

356
00:17:26,699 --> 00:17:28,341
Well, I'll tell you what I do remember.

357
00:17:29,062 --> 00:17:31,024
Michael and Seth were stuck on something,

358
00:17:31,104 --> 00:17:32,786
so they got up to take a walk.

359
00:17:32,866 --> 00:17:35,750
I looked over at Seth's computer, hoping to find a video game.

360
00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:40,956
Instead, I started opening files and found something much more... naughty.

361
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,440
You touched my computer? What did you find?

362
00:17:44,601 --> 00:17:46,643
Something... erotic.

363
00:17:46,964 --> 00:17:48,966
Some might say deviant.

364
00:17:49,126 --> 00:17:50,648
Should I just tell everyone,

365
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,811
or should I write it down so it can be entered in the permanent record?

366
00:17:52,931 --> 00:17:54,092
No, okay, I'll sign; you win.

367
00:17:54,172 --> 00:17:56,135
Don't you wanna hear what he has to say?

368
00:17:56,255 --> 00:17:58,498
No, I remember now. Michael and I invented it together. It's fine.

369
00:18:02,102 --> 00:18:03,664
What did you find on his computer?

370
00:18:04,024 --> 00:18:05,226
Nothing. I was... I was bluffing.

371
00:18:05,386 --> 00:18:06,868
But I really want to see it now.

372
00:18:08,189 --> 00:18:11,594
You were bluffing? That was brilliant! How did you know that would work?

373
00:18:12,114 --> 00:18:14,878
Please, every guy has a disgusting folder on his computer.

374
00:18:15,118 --> 00:18:16,760
There's nothing disgusting on my computer.

375
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,403
Oh, really-- why don't you check a file called "Joey's tax stuff"?

376
00:18:26,332 --> 00:18:27,533
Uh, look, it's...

377
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,016
it's been a little awkward having to share you with Gina,

378
00:18:30,256 --> 00:18:34,221
but I think I've worked something out that's in everyone's best interest.

379
00:18:35,062 --> 00:18:36,264
I'm letting you go.

380
00:18:36,704 --> 00:18:37,906
That's in my best interest?

381
00:18:39,748 --> 00:18:40,629
I don't have a job?

382
00:18:40,709 --> 00:18:43,873
Hey, I just lost my assistant. Let's not play the "who's got it worst game".

383
00:18:45,475 --> 00:18:47,918
Wait, this is crazy. I can do both.

384
00:18:48,118 --> 00:18:51,282
We can work out some guidelines if you two could just be reasonable.

385
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,407
That's never going to happen.

386
00:18:57,650 --> 00:18:59,212
Come on, I'm serious, all right?

387
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,775
As long as we're clear about what everyone expects,

388
00:19:01,935 --> 00:19:03,537
this doesn't have to be a problem.

389
00:19:05,339 --> 00:19:07,342
I guess we could talk about a way to share him.

390
00:19:07,582 --> 00:19:09,304
Well, obviously, I'd get him during the week.

391
00:19:09,464 --> 00:19:11,306
That's fine, if I can get him nights and weekends.

392
00:19:11,427 --> 00:19:12,468
Well, what about the holidays?

393
00:19:12,828 --> 00:19:14,871
You get him at Thanksgiving, I get him at Christmas.

394
00:19:16,192 --> 00:19:18,435
- Actually, I have a family.
- Glen, please.

395
00:19:20,237 --> 00:19:22,480
Oh, and another thing. When you guys are over here, no kissing.

396
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,362
And when we're out, no prank-calling him.

397
00:19:24,442 --> 00:19:25,924
I don't know what you're talking about...

398
00:19:26,325 --> 00:19:28,327
but I will pass it along to Se�or Fartez.

399
00:19:31,531 --> 00:19:33,574
Well, it seems like we got some guidelines.

400
00:19:33,694 --> 00:19:35,216
Yeah, we can make this work.

401
00:19:35,336 --> 00:19:36,337
Well, we should celebrate.

402
00:19:36,577 --> 00:19:38,980
Hey, Glen, why don't you run down to the store and get us some champagne?

403
00:19:40,342 --> 00:19:43,826
Actually, it's, uh, past 5:00, so it's, uh... Gina time.

404
00:19:45,188 --> 00:19:47,831
Glen, why don't you run down to the store and get us some champagne?

405
00:19:55,721 --> 00:19:57,523
Now make yours do it.

406
00:19:59,325 --> 00:20:01,928
Bobbie, first of all, his name is Glen.

407
00:20:02,289 --> 00:20:04,932
Second, I don't make my assistant do tricks.

408
00:20:05,092 --> 00:20:06,534
It's not the kind of boss I am.

409
00:20:06,694 --> 00:20:09,417
I just don't think of him as an employee, I think of him as a friend.

410
00:20:09,657 --> 00:20:10,619
Thanks, Joey.

411
00:20:10,779 --> 00:20:13,863
Even though the robot is a fun dance and I do enjoy watching it

412
00:20:14,263 --> 00:20:15,865
especially when done skillfully.

413
00:20:26,318 --> 00:20:28,160
Come on, Jason, get in there!

414
00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:34,488
Now fight!

415
00:20:35,305 --> 00:20:41,232
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org